Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who finds such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
If you love someone….
Message: If you love someone, Set him free, If he comes back, he’s yours, If he doesn’t, he never was…
The New Versions….
Pessimist: If you love someone, Set him free… If he ever comes back, he’s yours, If he doesn’t, as expected, he never was.
Shakespeare: If you love someone, Set him free… If he ever comes back, he’s yours, If he doesn’t, here’s the poison, suicide yourself for him.
Optimist: If you love someone, Set him free… Don’t worry, he will come back.
Suspicious: If you love someone, Set him free… If he ever comes back, ask him why.
Impatient: If you love someone, Set him free… If he doesn’t comes back within some time forget him.
Patient: If you love someone, Set him free… If he doesn’t come back, Continue to wait until he comes back…
Playful: If you love someone, Set him free… *If he comes back, and if you love him still, Set him free again, repeat*
Animal-Rights Activist: If you love someone, Set him free, In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!
Lawyers: If you love someone, Set him free, Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that….
Biologist: If you love someone, Set him free, he’ll evolve.
Schwarzenegger’s fans: If you love someone, Set him free, HE’LL BE BACK!
Salesman: If you love someone, Set him free… If he ever comes back, deal! If he doesn’t, so what! “NEXT”.
Insurance agent: If you love someone, Show him the plan… If he ever comes back, sign him up, If he doesn’t, keep follow up with him and never give up!
Physics expert: If you love someone, Set him free… If he ever comes back, it’s the law of gravity, If he doesn’t, either there’s friction higher than the force or the angle of collision between two objects did not synchronize at the right angle.
Mathematician: If you love someone, Set him free… If he ever comes back, 1 + 1 = 2 (peanut!), If he doesn’t, Y = 2X – log(0.46Y^2 + ( cos (52/34X)) x 5Y^(-0.5)c) where c is the infinite constant of no turning point.
Nowadays’ style: If You Love Someone, Set him free, If he Comes Back, he is Yours If It Doesn’t, Hunt Down and Kill HIM…!!! OR PERHAPS REPORT TO IMMIGRATION THAT SHE/HE IS AN ILLEGAL MIGRANT…
If you love someone, WHY IN THE FIRST PLACE SET HIM FREE??? CARELESS.. IDIOT!!!